Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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