mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize