i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
