kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I licked your asshole in confidence.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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