I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
