Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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