peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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