why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
time to smoke my breakfast
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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