I got chris browned last night
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
