Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
