Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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