I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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