i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
