I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
