You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
