why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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