Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
