She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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