i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
