I got chris browned last night
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
