there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
