That's when you crack a 10am beer
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize