I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
