I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize