im about as happy as oj after his trial
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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