please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
