Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
