Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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