I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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