You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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