I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
