I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
