Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
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