Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
