Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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