mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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