I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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