Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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