no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
