Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
