Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
