marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
