we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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