legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
