I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
