I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You smell like stripper and shame
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Did I show you my penis last night?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
