sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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