guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
