So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
