I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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