and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
