she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
