im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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