Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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