I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
