I must be too annoying 4 u.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
