I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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