That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
