sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
