The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
