You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
