if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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