What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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