I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
