Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize