how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
