I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
