she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
