There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
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