Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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