I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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