the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
