He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
