he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
