those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
