he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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