I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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