I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
