Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize