I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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