In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
