I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
