The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
