i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
